An Expensive Last Gasp for Pop-Tarts

Is it just me, or does it feel like many of the so-called “food products” of the past 50 years are finally in their death throes? I happened upon this morning regarding a pop-up store for Pop-Tarts in Times Square strikes me as solid evidence that Kellogg’s has NO IDEA what to do with this irrelevant product and their solution is to pull out all the stops. It’s getting embarrassing, guys.

First of all, the “store” is not really a store. Let’s be clear: it’s an ad. Experiences like a café, a mix-and-match vending machine and an hourly light show, which is supposed to simulate frosting(?!), have been designed by companies that specialize in this kind of brand trickery to entice consumers into the notion that Pop Tarts World has something to offer. In fact, these shenanigans are more processed and more fake than the product itself, and considering the product in this case…that’s saying a lot.

Pop Tarts’ spokesperson, Etienne Patout, senior director at the Pop-Tarts brand says: “Our long-term hope is to strengthen the bonding between the brand and the consumer, and that has great benefits for the brand.” In my opinion, that train left the station about 25 years ago. Most Americans in 2010 know what a Pop-Tart is. Not much–aside from a dizzying array of new and decadent “flavors”–has changed about the product since its launch in 1964. The concept remains the same. It’s a composition of industrial chemicals masquerading as a toaster pastry.

But, let’s just look at Mr. Patout’s hope: bonding. Here’s the first definition on dictionary.com: a relationship that usually begins at the time of birth between a parent and offspring and that establishes the basis for an ongoing mutual attachment.

Surely, this is not the type of bonding the company expects to happen over Pop Tart sushi assembled by a temporary worker making an hourly wage?

Let’s look at the second definition: a close friendship that develops between adults, often as a result of intense experiences, as those shared in military combat. Definitely, this cannot be what the company means. I’ve been to Times Square, and it can feel like an assault, but is it grounds for bonding between a human and an inanimate object?

There are two reasons this store will get traffic: curiosity and comfort. According to one of the guys responsible for the Pop Tart World concept, Scott Schoessel, chief operating officer of the Gigunda Group, “People say, ‘Well, what can you really do with a Pop-Tart?’” Exactly. Many people will wonder this same thing and for a hot, tired New York City tourist fighting upstream (both directions feel upstream) in Times Square foot traffic, the curiosity and comfort might just be enough to bring them off the crowded street and into the controlled environment. These people might gawk and have a laugh, they might try the Sticky Cinna Munchies (cinnamon rolls topped with cream-cheese icing and chunks of Pop-Tarts cinnamon-roll variety) and they’ll probably leave within minutes of entering slightly buzzed and possibly sugar-shocked. Their curiosity will be sated, but I doubt this will lead to sales or a feeling of having bonded with the brand. Novelty is ephemeral and by definition short-lived, as will be the experience of Pop Tarts World among all the other experiences they will have on their vacation to NYC (no local would be caught dead in this place).

Pop Tarts fans out there and probably more than a few Kellogg’s executives would point to sales figures ($481 million in mass U.S. stores last year according to the article) to justify the existence of this brand and the tremendous outlay of cash this folly must be costing. Sure, today there are still people in the U.S. who weigh the options and using the scant information and resources available to them, choose to consume Pop Tarts. In the absence of scrutiny or self-control or both, they make a decision that a product containing corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, dextrose, soybean and palm oil (with TBHQ for freshness), sugar, partially hydrogenated soybean and cottonseed oil, red #40, blue #2, blue #1…is edible. And they eat it. And it doesn’t kill them…immediately…so they continue eating it.

But, those days are numbered. People are waking up. It’s time for the executives at companies like Kellogg’s to stop hitting the snooze.

My advice to Kellogg’s is this: let it go. Products like Pop Tarts have no relevance any longer. The world has moved on. It’s going to get harder and harder to continue propagating the charade that this is a wholesome American breakfast/snack option (just look at their if you want to see what a charade looks like). And it’s going to get more and more expensive to create the “bonds” you feel you are losing with your consumers because they are indeed slipping away despite your efforts. This Times Square stunt looks desperate. The brand has run its course. It’s time to pack it in.

Think of the goodwill Kellogg’s could engender (not to mention a buffer against the critics who already have their backs against the wall for the candy masquerading as cereal they sell to kids) by announcing the elimination of Pop Tarts from the family. Take it as an opportunity to catapult the company forward in the eyes of the nation. The message could be: Pop Tarts was once an innovation. It was born at a time when food technology was championed and before we really knew the ill effects of some of the so-called preservatives on our systems. Today, we know better and so we bid a fond farewell to this beloved brand.

Something like this could send a message worth hearing and would signal real change, radical change at a company that has been feeding us the same junk for too long. Demonstrate to us where your priorities are, Kellogg’s. Show us that you are willing to leave some money on the table now in the best interests of your customers over the long run. Stop hiding behind marketing and take some responsibility for your actions. In the lingo of your target audience, parents (or is it actually kids? The “nag factor” being all important in these purchases), find the teachable moment, step up and take it.

If there is anyone at Kellogg’s who feels ashamed of this stunt deep down but hasn’t voiced it, please step forward. You are the type of leader they need now. Or have you all drunk the Kool-Aid? Oh wait, that’s Kraft.